My Thoughts On Thinking

Sometimes people tell me I think too much about things.

Hmmm, well, maybe I do.

My Thoughts On People

Recently, I got exposed to the dirty underbelly of some people I'm tightly connected to in my life. All the dirty-but-confirmable gossip I could care for got dumped on me about these people. And you know what? I wish it hadn't. Someone just thought I should know for some friendly reason or another, but I've found out I don't care. Just makes my mind too busy when I'm around them and it doesn't need to be. So what do I think? I think we shouldn't gossip, and I think I should've worked harder to make a certain someone, though a friend, to shut his yap.

My Thoughts on The War On Terror

How many people would die if we quit right now, and how many would die if we went ahead and fought it all-out? How many more friends will I lose either way? Hmmm.

My Thoughts On Death

Here is an e-mail I sent to a lady who had lost a family member some time ago.

Connie- I believe you WILL see your son again. I believe you WILL get through this. I believe if you HOPE, and have FAITH, you will recover.

(Please forgive me if this seems long, but I have a lot of experience on this topic, hence a lot to share about it. Do please read it all)

I too have lost several loved ones over the last few years, including my father, my grandmother, an aunt, and a dear friend. I know the pain you are feeling- a cutting ache that seems longer than your soul. But there are beliefs that help us go on. . .

I'll repeat the first one- we will all see our loved ones again. You cant avoid religious discussions here, and I won't pull out here. I believe that we will not only see our loved ones again, but we can be with them forever after this life. God would not instill in us the potential to love one another so deeply and wholly only to take it away from us, as if in some strange punishment.

Second, when you lose a loved one, the pain you feel is never as hard or difficult to bear as it was yesterday. People will not understand, maybe you can't share the grief with another (although its good if you can), but remember this thing- the pain gradually fades. But don't let it completely fade away- part of that pain is from the part of you your loved one took with him/her. And we need to be reminded how precious things are to not let them be taken away too casually. One day, you will go a day without tears for your son. You will still love and miss him, but the pain is always more bearable as time passes.

Third important point- when my Dad died, I was crushed. But I had friends close to me who could make me laugh. Not to excess, not like a drunken stooge, but they could, just for moments at a time, make me laugh about things. Distant things, unrelated things. The brief respites from my tearing grief were like buckets of ice water from heaven to a man lost in the Sahara. Make sure you laugh.

Fourth- remind yourself that everyone goes through this pain. But the species is continuing anyways because we can cope. We don't like to cope, but we can. Billions have felt your pain. Billions more will feel your pain. BE one of them.

Fifth point- actively feel your pain. Dont fight it, deny it, whatever. I tried that at my father's death and really only threw away 3 years of my life over the depression that came on from it. Your brain, your body, your SOUL needs to go through that pain. But there's a balance- dont indulge your pain. Just dont hide it from yourself. This guarantees the quickest and healthiest route, and you will wake up some tomorrow stronger than you thought you were.

Sixth point: if you need to get help, get it. You'll probably have to hunt around a little bit to find a good counselor or church leader who can help you with your particular needs, but do it. It's also a good way to sort out what you're feeling. Just do it.

Seventh point, and I leave it last for emphasis- God Loves You. He knows about pain. He knows about YOUR pain. Pray. Talk to Him. Ask him why, and listen for His voice. Reach out with your feelings to feel His comforting. He created us to feel as much pain as we could joy, if we choose it. But how we face death is as important as how we face life. Pain is not bad, or evil, and having it isnt a weakness. I think God caused us to hurt so much so we would be sure to cherish what we have more than we would if it didn't hurt when we lost it. Besides, we'll still see them again some day.

Well, I hope I've made some sense here for you Connie. I've read and thought and prayed and studied and talked a lot about this- because I had to, and it helped a lot whenever I did. Even if the talking went badly or awkwardly.

I'm not belittling your incredible loss- I know it. But you just choose to get through it, DECIDE you WILL, and you know what . . . you will.

Take care.

:)

Fritz Gunter